if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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