There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
