i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
