Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
