He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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