if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
