When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
