If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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