Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
