I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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