I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize