I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
