I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
