Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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