I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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