i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
