Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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