I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
