yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
