I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize