Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
