You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
