hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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