my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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