at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
