so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
