I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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