Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
