So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
