3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
