3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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