So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
