life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
