ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
