Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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