Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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