im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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