I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
