i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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