why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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