i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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