I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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