If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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