i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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