i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
