is wine microwaveable?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
