So drunk its hurt
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
