News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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