Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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