Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
