Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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