So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
