They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
