Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
