She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
