The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
