I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
