He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
