I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
