dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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