just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
