well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
