i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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