in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
