grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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