I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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