why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
