I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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