my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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