So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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