Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
